The tactic used to re-establish contact with a former supply source after distance or after the target has attempted to leave.
Hoovering — named for the vacuum cleaner brand — describes the narcissist's attempt to suck a former supply source back into the relationship after a period of distance. It typically occurs when the narcissist's current supply is insufficient, when a new supply source has not been secured, or when the target has attempted to exit the relationship.
The hoovering tactic often involves the sudden reappearance of the warmth and attentiveness from the love bombing phase — the person you fell for apparently returns, transformed. It may also involve expressions of profound regret, promises of change, appeals to shared history, or manufactured crises that require your involvement.
Hoovering is effective because it activates the same neurological pathways as the original love bombing — the target's reward system responds to the return of the positive behavior, and the trauma bond creates a strong pull toward re-engagement.
The most effective counter to hoovering is no contact. Every response — even a negative one — provides supply and signals that the door is open. The hoovering tactic relies on access; removing access removes the mechanism.
A strong emotional attachment that develops toward someone causing harm, produced by intermittent reinforcement cycles of threat and relief.
Unpredictable reward delivery that produces stronger and more persistent behavior — the psychological mechanism behind relationship addiction.
The attention, admiration, and emotional reactions — including negative ones — that narcissists require to maintain their sense of self.
The final phase of the narcissistic relationship cycle, when the target's supply value has dropped and the narcissist withdraws.